I have been thinking an awful lot recently about how much I miss writing. So here I am.

To be perfectly honest, I don't feel I have anything to write about, but I know that once I begin, it will come.

Lately I've been feeling a bit, you know, blah. Not desperately unhappy, just not happy. This is my issue and I know it in my heart. What is it about human nature that makes us believe outside influences have any bearing on the way we feel? Why do we allow that?

I don't know about you, but I think that society as a whole needs to stop believing that when we reach our goals is when we should be happy. I'm not blaming my upbringing or anyone else here - I'm a big girl now and I make my own decisions about what I believe. Sometimes, though, it can be so easy to be sucked into that "when I get" mentality.

This is the mentality that causes big problems in my life. It's something I've been arguing with and fighting to get control of in the last few weeks. I'll be honest, it's mostly financial, and that is a recurring theme in my life. I struggle to know what my blocks are with this.

I do know how to fix it though (and why don't I you ask??), and that is with gratitude and appreciation. So again, here I am.

I have a squillion things to love and appreciate about my life - not in the least is that I can write. I can use the process of writing it down to get it clear in my overloaded head. That's a blessing for me. I don't journal in pretty notebooks (I adore pretty notebooks and own plenty, but I use them for life ideas mainly - it's fun to go through them!), but I love to blog. Maybe it's because I'm a show-off :)

I love the look of my blog. I love that it's so pretty. My life wants to be pretty like my blog. Writing helps me make life beautiful for me. Blogging regularly is on my "get to do" list, and again, here I am.

Will you look at that - nothing to write about, but a (short) post nonetheless. Gotta have faith.

I'm excavating.

I'm delving way back into the deep dark recesses of my childhood and my mind. Taking responsibility for all that has happened and all that will.

It's not a particularly easy task, yet easier than I expected - I should have done it a long time ago, however perhaps I wasn't quite ready. Now, it seems, I am.

I am discovering things about myself I never dreamed. Not good, not bad. Just me.

I realise there is no one to forgive. All I need to do is take responsibility for my thoughts, conscious and unconscious. They are what formed my life.
The ghosts of my childhood are suddenly understood and it's a relief.

I am all I need. No one else is responsible for my happiness. I am free to be authentic. I can be me. Liberated, unapologetic and fabulous.

Today I believe that if I have the following in my life I have all I need...

Love; red shoes; faded florals; gerberas; the seaside; patchwork quilts; a bathtub to soak in; hot air balloons; scented candles; vintage linens; books; strawberries on french toast; clear blue skies; libraries; cottage gardens; perfume; champagne; Paris and all manner of fripperies and fancies.

I'm re-discovering the things I love haven't changed - the woman who loves them however, is changing rather much for the better.

Falling in love with my authentic self all over again.

I'm feeling a bit "blah" this morning.
Fortunately I know I have a choice these days of whether to continue feeling this way or not. I will choose to feel better - I just have to get up and do something about it!

I think it might be because I have been away from home for so long. I'm a homebody, I love my home, my bed, my kids. I've been away since Dec 21st, and although it's been almost like a holiday I'm so ready for it to be over! Only 2 more days, so I can manage it :)

So for the next two days I'll take advantage of the quiet and having no phone reception, and read, read, read. I've made a decision to read only helpful, positive or motivational books this year, and I think that will make a difference to the quality of my life on a day to day basis.

I'm currently reading The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which opening up a whole new perspective for me on the relationships we enter in to. I am getting a lot out of it and it is changing the way I look at people - which means I can make better decisions about those I allow into my life.

Next on the list is Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. An amazing book by an amazing man. I have listened to it before, but now I have my own copy to read over and over!
Napoleon Hill is the grand-daddy of all the self-made entrepreneurs around these days. He truly is incredible. Recommended reading!
Interesting things happen when you make the choice to be a positive person.

Your world kind of expands for one. You see more opportunities, you feel more joy, you come into contact with more people, you hear more love.

I guess your awareness expands.

It goes both ways too. You notice when people are being negative. This is something I'd only noticed when it was really bad. You know, when someone was really banging the drum about how sucky their life was.

These days I notice when someone says the littlest thing. I also notice pretty quickly when I am starting to head down that road, which is great, because I can turn the car around before I get stuck in the bitch ditch.

You see, it's all a choice. You can choose how you feel, act or react.
You can choose to feel good, or you can choose to moan and groan about how miserable things are. I don't know about you, but if I'm focused on misery, that's generally how I feel.
When I'm focused on happiness, I feel it.

Sounds simple, and it actually is.
Be aware of your words, and your thoughts. Make it a habit. Hang out with positive people.

Make the choice to feel good, and it won't be long before you feel fantastic!
If I had to pick one trait to work on in my personality for this year, it would be self-discipline. In fact it IS self-discipline.
I've spent too many years making excuses for myself and I'm over it!

I am an intelligent woman who has made some very unintelligent decisions in her life. And it's those decisions that have led me to where I am today, which isn't where I want to be anymore.

I will learn to act, rather than react. I will stand in the Choice Gap before I make decisions from now on. There will be thought put into my life, instead of blindly doing what feels good at the time.
I'm happy to work hard to get what I want. I can forego the instant gratification, and make the decision that will make a positive impact on my life.

There are changes a-coming people. I hope I can inspire you to make the choices that will lead to your best life too!
So we are coming to the end of another year.

How many people will be out there making resolutions they know in the back of their minds they won't keep past January 15th?  Are you going to be one of those people - or will you plan your thoughts and goals so that you know you will succeed?

My thoughts are this:

Think in the positive - always!

Find people to help you. At the very least don't hang out with the people who (for whatever reason) don't want you to succeed. Work out who those people are - possibly they are the ones who love you most.

You can tell people your goals or not tell them - you will know who will support you and who won't.

Make a plan, write it down. Break it down into to small, manageable pieces.

Reward yourself when you reach your goal - but don't make the reward a sabotage. ie: if your goal is to be slim, don't reward yourself with food :)

Believe in yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Believe in yourself.

I wish for you an amazing year filled with wins and personal bests.
I believe you can do it. I believe I can do it. So lets go forward and make 2011 the year of our Best Selves!
It's funny how when you really start focusing on positive things, not only does life become a little easier and happier, but you really start to listen and take note how others think and speak...I have noticed that some people are very rigid and judgemental of anything they wouldn't do themselves, some are constantly talking about how bad things are, others are whining about their lives constantly, and others are being victims.

Now, I'm not perfect (by any means!), but I'm grateful for what I have, I try and remember to take responsibility for my life, and yes, when things get rough, it's hard not to get into that "poor me" mindset.

But at the end of the day, positivity attracts more positivity into your life.

The mind doesn't realise that those big dreams of yours aren't real, so go ahead and daydream that you are successful, happy, and driving around in a cute, red convertible (if that's what you want - it's what I want!).
Let it make you happy and have fun with it.
Be mindful of your thoughts and words for just one day and see if it doesn't make a difference...